We were approaching the middle of the evening when we stumbled upon the opening night of one of those new arty bars, the kind with lots of shiny things you can’t touch, and installations by various contemporary artists, you don’t like, the whole thing was a wank. but we didn’t care, We just stumbled in with an Irish confidence and headed for the bar.
Jonas and I ordered a drink and then had a look round. The bar was really quite extravagant, PR and Marketing types strutted around drinking and squawking at each other in high pitched tones. Watching these creatures made a rumble in my tummy so I went in search of a toilet. After a long search I eventually found the bathroom, it wasn’t nearly what I expected, there was only one toilet and it was perched on top of a large double bed. Thinking this must be some new fangled Japanese thing I climbed aboard and relaxed.
I was quite comfortable sitting on this strange soft throne when I started to noticed an absence of things that usually go with a toilet, like graffiti and plumbing, I had also failed to notice the crowd that was starting to gather who were now laughing and and looking away at my embarrassment, then it hit me, “THIS ISN’T A TOILET ITS A FUCKING ART INSTALLATION AND I’M SHITTING ON IT!!” I panicked and tried to finish up, it was very embarrassing. I wiped myself clean, jumped off the bed and ran to the bar to hide and order a drink.
After my drink I decided to recover some dignity so I went back to the room hoped up on the bed and bowed before the crowd, this seemed to work and the people reciprocated by clapping and laughing and pointing. As i looked over the small crowd, I caught glimpse of an older lady who seemed awkward and out of place, she was very drunk and kept wooing at nothing in particular. This made me feel uneasy and I retreated back into the crowd and back to the bar.
I was half way through my eleventh vodka lime soda when I heard a bad commotion coming from the other room. Drunk and curious I went to investigate and what I found was nothing less than disturbing. The drunk woman who had earlier made me uneasy was now on the bed/toilet/art, lying naked with her legs spread in the air spewing feces into the air and on herself. The crowd stood in shocked silence unsure of what was happening, a few started vomiting into their glasses, while others just vomited on themselves. When the woman saw this reaction from the crowd she paused and started to cry, she then began to try and wipe her self clean but this only seemed to make it worse, and her cries became louder as she spread the horribleness all over herself for another 5 full minutes before help arrived.
Security closed off the room and escorted the people out, and all that remained was a 40 something woman covered in shit and a security man trying to contact her husband.